You don’t always get to choose who you work with. If you’re in a leadership role, you’ve probably had to collaborate with people whose values don’t sit right with you. Maybe they cut corners, prioritize profits over people, or play office politics in a way that makes your skin crawl. You don’t respect how they operate, but you’re stuck working with them anyway.
It’s draining.
For neurodivergent leaders, this kind of misalignment can be even more intense. You likely have a strong internal compass, a clear sense of what’s right, and an intolerance for hypocrisy or inefficiency. When the people around you don’t share those values, it can feel like you’re constantly fighting an uphill battle. You’re not just dealing with frustration—you’re dealing with moral exhaustion.
The Link Between Value Misalignment and Burnout
Burnout isn’t just about workload. It’s about sustained stress that comes from feeling like you have no control over the things that matter to you. When your work environment clashes with your values, it creates a constant tension between who you are and what you’re expected to tolerate. That tension wears you down in ways you might not even realize at first.
- You start questioning yourself. Maybe you’re overreacting? Maybe this is just how things are? The self-doubt creeps in, making you feel stuck.
- You become emotionally exhausted. It’s not just the work that’s tiring—it’s the energy spent managing your reactions to the people around you.
- You disengage. The work used to mean something, but now it feels empty. You go through the motions, but your motivation is shot.
- You feel trapped. You don’t want to quit, but staying feels increasingly unbearable.
If you’re neurodivergent, this kind of misalignment can be even harder to ignore. You probably feel things more deeply than others, which means the disconnect isn’t just frustrating—it’s physically and emotionally draining. You might find yourself shutting down, snapping at colleagues, or feeling resentful even outside of work.
How to Stay Without Losing Yourself
Leaving isn’t always an option. You’ve built something in your role, you have responsibilities, and despite everything, there are still aspects of the job you care about. So how do you stay without burning out?
- Clarify your non-negotiables. Not everything needs to align perfectly, but what are the values you won’t compromise on? Define them clearly.
- Find your sphere of control. You may not be able to change the entire culture, but you can influence your team, your work style, and how you respond to challenges.
- Set boundaries—mentally and emotionally. Accept that some battles aren’t worth fighting. Save your energy for the ones that are.
- Detach from toxic dynamics. You don’t have to engage in office politics or unethical decisions. Stay professional, but don’t absorb the negativity.
- Reconnect with what matters. Even if the people around you don’t share your values, there are still ways to do meaningful work within your role.
How Coaching Can Help
When you’re caught in the push-pull of misalignment, it’s hard to see a way forward. That’s where coaching comes in. A coach helps you step back, identify what’s really causing the burnout, and develop a strategy to stay without compromising who you are.
- Perspective shifts – You don’t have to internalize a toxic environment. A coach helps you see where you can create distance while still being effective.
- Decision clarity – Should you push back? Adapt? Walk away eventually? Coaching gives you space to explore your options without pressure.
- Emotional resilience – Learning how to manage frustration, process difficult interactions, and protect your energy makes a huge difference.
- Practical coping strategies – From communication techniques to boundary-setting, a coach helps you develop tools to navigate challenges without burning out.
You don’t have to love everyone you work with. You don’t even have to respect them. But you do need to find a way to exist in that space without losing yourself. And that’s entirely possible.